Even when we broke up, I still wore a ring on the ring finger of my left hand. I wanted to believe that there was still a chance for Tonio and I. This afternoon, I took that ring off. Tonio and I had lunch today and I brought up the subject of us. How it went wrong, seeing the error of my ways, losing both a lover and a best friend, not knowing what to do without having him with me 24/7. We were both going through it. I understand his point of view. It's so clear to me now. Unfortunately too late. Fortunately I believe will remain best friends. And in talking about it, I could see that this man truly loves me. And to have that feeling, to experience that feeling, means everything to me. I am so grateful for that feeling.
Originally I had planned to give him a diamond ring for his birthday to celebrate our love and our future together. Because of everything that went down, I never got the opportunity. I knew if he knew what is was, he'd never accept it. By the end of our lunch, I asked him if I gave him his birthday gift, would he accept it. He said it depends. Finally he agreed, but gave me a hard time about it. I placed the ring (which was concealed the whole time) into his pants pocket and told him not to look at it until he was upstairs. With those words, we both went back to work.
As soon as I got upstairs, he texted me, saying it was beautiful, but too much and he couldn't accept it. We went back and forth. I wanted him to have it as a symbol of my love. NO STRINGS ATTACHED-I made that pointedly clear. Reluctantly he gave in.
As I took my ring off, soon he would be wearing one. It was like the changing of the royal guards. It was finally time for me to accept facts. At that moment, I let go and let God.
Well about to leave work. More to come I'm sure...
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