A Restful Day

Saturday. Today I did what I haven't done in a long time - I relaxed. I used today for what weekends were made for. My son went out with my mom earlier, and when he came back he was low maintenance. Even he checked up on me. He knew something was bothering me, but couldn't put his finger on it. I told him I didn't feel well (which wasn't a lie!) and he checked on me periodically with hugs, kisses and a few "Are you okay, daddy?"s) Overall I was able to get some good rest.

I didn't have much of an appetite, but I managed to eat a little something. I slept. I read a couple of chapters. I watched my oldies. Thank you Turner Classic Movies! Of course throughout the day, thoughts flooded my mind of Antonio. That goes without saying. Why is it the harder we try not to think of something, the more we tend to think of it? Of course I got the "check-up" texts from T. Asking how I was doing, wishing I were there. I'm glad he had a good time at Fire Island. He didn't need me there, ruining his day. I'll get the details from him later. (And knowing him with his new iPhone, a few pictures as well!)


All this to say, it was a better day. That's all I can ask for. That's all I can pray for. One thing I did, was send Antonio and instant message via his BlackBerry. It was a bit lengthy. It roughly said that I didn't expect a response, and that I missed him very much. I thanked him for the past 15 months and loving me the way no one else ever can. I thanked him for opening my eyes and learning a lot about myself. That I can be strong, confident, and successful. I also said that I hoped one day we can be best friends again. That is one friendship that I will cherish and hold so close to my heart. I ended it by saying that he is very special to me and always will be. I let my heart do the talking.

The healing has begun, but by no means is the pain gone. It hurts like hell. Aretha said it best:

True love
It has no hiding place
It's not something you just put away
It's always there inside of you
Ohhh, and it shows in everything you do

Sometimes it hurts to love so bad
Sometimes it hurts to even laugh
Sometimes the pain is just too much
And it hurts like hell
That's the way it feels

Good night.