Everything

I read an article recently that outlined steps for a healthy relationship. Two items that caught my eye were: It's good to have a circle of friends outside of your partner and "you can't be all things to your mate". Hmmmmmm. I thought about that. While I do agree, having a circle of friends outside your partner is good; I also agree that while you can't be all things to your mate, you can be whatever your mate needs you to be at any given time. If they need you there to listen, you listen. If they need you there to vent, you lend an ear. If they just need a hug to get them through the day, you lend those shoulders. If the issue has to deal with you, instead of reacting and lashing back, take a backseat and really listen to what's being said.

If your mate is going through a stressful time, trust them enough to know they're going to be concerned about you and will approach you to help. It's only natural, as they don't like to see you suffer. Though you may want to deal with it on your own, consider the alternative-let them 'in'. I'm talking from experience; as it's what I used to do. In the past, I used to shut out my partners and not let them in the know until I had already resolved whatever issue was bothering me. Even times, when the issue had nothing whatsoever to do with the person I was seeing. Looking back I now see that it in addition to causing anxiety and awkwardness, it also causes a disconnect within the relationship. I used to think of it as, not wanting to involve that person and figure things out on my own. The other person saw it I didn't trust them enough to talk to them or (even worse) that it had to do with them and they replayed everything that could've gone wrong; {{Enter the anxiety-ridden part here}}! As the phrase goes, live and learn. Now I let my partner know what's on my mind and what's troubling me and in return I expect the same. I've learned to express and communicate whatever issues that I'm dealing with. This has helped to: 1) ensure my partner that I value their opinion and sometimes a second pair of eyes (or ears) is exactly what's needed to get a different perspective on a situation 2) by communicating you not only see how and what the other person is thinking, but you have more depth into their character and hopefully that will bring you closer 3) by discussing issues that arise you may find it takes a load off your mind just having someone you trust and love there, to bounce things off of.

If it's a matter that you hold dear and really would not rather discuss, assure your partner it's not them (if it isn't; if it is, you need to communicate) let your partner know you appreciate them wanting to help and perhaps if and when the time is right, that's what you'll do. But never shut them out.

With that right person in your life, you'll know you're not 'alone' in any situation and that your husband, wife, partner, mate, boyfriend, girlfriend, whoever, has your back for life.